 JOURNAL JOURNALISM ABOUT PHOTOS GUESTBOOK |
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BREAKING: There I was, peacefully ready to slit my wrists during the 5 minute PSA at the end of "7th Heaven" about not being too proud to take food stamps when I received a text that read, "A female piano player opening for tori? Oh look! A pig flew past my window!" Confuzzled, I fast-fingered it to thedent.com and became the 589,543,543,000 person to learn that Imogen Heap (and the Ditty Bops) will open for Tori Amos at Jones Beach and PNC Bank Center this August. Wait--I couldn't have read that correctly. A girl, a piano, and an amphitheatre? (Luckily I have a lot of practice spelling that word since I went to The pros? Cheap tickets, sun, and an atmosphere totally conducive to drinking. The cons? Cheap people, too much sun, and an atmosphere totally conducive to drinking. I hear Imogen Heap puts on a good show. I also hear she is about seven feet tall. I've already received about eleven frantic IM's from people who wonder if outdoor venues spell disaster. While I can't say for sure--I think that mostly has to do with what new songs are debuted between now and then--it doesn't much affect my plans. Since I'm going to London in June and I might go on a lovely trip to the Dominican Republic with the lovely Obnoxious Giant Fan (I am not allowed to say anything mean about him because I hurt his feelings too many times in the last seven days), I don't have the vacation time to see many shows. I suppose I'll see her at Jones Beach, Holmdel, Camden, and (maybe) Merriweather Post. I'll definitely make an effort to catch her on my birthday--September 22nd--if there is a concert that day. Hopefully it will be in L.A. so I can also see the Dodgers. (And my family. If there's time.) The only real complaint I have at this point is that tickets are going on-sale this weekend. Um, helllllllooooo! None of us have sold-out Radio City three nights in a row! Us 18 to 34-year-old sensitive types can't afford to take any more lashings from ticketmaster so soon! Our credit cards are just beginning to heal.
I was ready to bet my un-used Maybelline 'Chicks With Attitude" compact that the new Liz Phair album couldn't be any worse than that last one. It's a good thing I'm not a gambler. I just heard four of the new tracks ("Part of Me," "Giving it All To You," "Lost Tonight," and "Everything to Me") for free and I want my money back. WHAT IN THE WAL-MART HAPPENED TO LIZ PHAIR?! What happened to the woman whose love 'em and leave 'em album (Exile in Guyville) guided me through my ridiculously fun sophomore year of college? What happened to the icon whose devastating wit made you feel sorry for the Homecoming Queen? Will she ever write another song as clever as "Never Said"? As anthemic as "Fuck and Run"? As brilliantly self-indicting as "Divorce Song"? As fun to sing along with as "Supernova"? And to those of you doorknobs who say, "She can't keep writing the same song over and over again; an artist has to evolve," I say, "Sucking is never progress." Some of you may be happy to learn that "Part of Me" blatantly rips the only Postal Service melody --or, more appropriately, the Jimmy Eat World melody the Postal Service ripped-- that doesn't make me nauseous. It will forever be known as "Such Great Bite." Wait, who am I kidding? None of you will be happy to hear that. I heard these mp3s on promosquad.com, which curiously has a few mp3s from the new Fiona record in rotation. Does this mean evil Epic has finally gotten over themselves in time to release Extraordinary Machine before it's jail sentence reaches an embarrassing two years? They did such a FINE job promoting Tori's record, I'm sure they'll do their best to make Fiona's sells eight copies as well. |
Why am I such a happy girl? Because May is the best month ever. Three birthdays and a Cinco de Mayo party this week, and every weekend between now and when I go to London on June 1st someone I love is coming to visit (except Memorial Day, when the Obnoxious Giant Fan will be here). Yay for May!